Sunday Funnies 04/09/06

Have you ever seen a transparent butterfly?







Source:

Splendid Pictures Around The Net

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An American is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."






Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?




The Mole Family

-- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles
are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell
is....


Scroll down.......



Get ready.....

Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...



MOLASSES


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Now for the Ted Kennedy Children's book cover of the week:



Hat tip to the Kennedy forum thread at FARK.COM.


How about a video:







Wisdom

* I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night."
Age 6

* I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Age 7

* I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.
Age 9

* I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 13

* I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
Age 14

* I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.
Age 15

* I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.
Age 24

* I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.
Age 26

* I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there.
Age 29

* I've learned...that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Age 39

* I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.
Age 41

* I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card.
Age 44

* I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others.
Age 46

* I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.
Age 47

* I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.
Age 49

* I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 50

* I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Age 52

* I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.
Age 52

* I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.
Age 53

* I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
Age 58 - (AMEN!!)

* I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage.
Age 61

* I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
Age 62

* I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
Age 64

* I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
Age 65

* I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.
Age 66

* I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.
Age 72

* I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.
Age 73

* I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
Age 82

* I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
Age 85

* I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Age 92

Please pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile....

Remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else.