Chas' Compilation

A compilation of information and links regarding assorted subjects: politics, religion, science, computers, health, movies, music... essentially whatever I'm reading about, working on or experiencing in life.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sunday Funnies 01/22/06

Gohan and Aochan make strange bedfellows: one's a 3.5-inch dwarf hamster; the other is a yard-long rat snake. Zookeepers at Tokyo's Mutsugoro Okoku zoo presented the hamster _ whose name means "meal" in Japanese _ to Aochan as a tasty morsel in October, after the snake refused to eat frozen mice.

But instead of indulging, Aochan decided to make friends with the furry rodent, according to keeper Kazuya Yamamoto. The pair have shared a cage since...

You can read more HERE.

Having Trouble with Microsoft Word

"Computer assistant. May I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Microsoft Word."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in Microsoft Word, or did you get out?
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
......"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
......"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into
the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
......"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
"Yes -- the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Hat Tip to The Voice for this Superdome Kiss.

Men are just happier people

> Men Are Just Happier People--What do you expect
> from such simple creatures? Your last name stays
> put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take
> care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
> You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You
> can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can
> wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell
> you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
> have to drive to another gas station restroom
> because this one is just too icky. You don't have to
> stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
> Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding
> dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at
> your chest when you're talking to them. The
> occasional well-rendered belch is practically
> expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle
> your feet. One mood all the time.
> Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You
> know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires
> only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
> You get extra credit for the slightest act of
> thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he
> or she can still be your friend.
> Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three
> pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost
> never have strap problems in public. You are unable
> to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your
> face stays its original color. The same hairstyle
> lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
> shave your face and neck.
> You can play with toys all your life. Your belly
> usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair
> of shoes one color for all seasons.
> You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
> You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You
> have freedom of choice concerning growing a
> mustache.
> You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on
> December 24 in 25 minutes.
> No wonder men are happier.
> Send this to the women who can handle it and to the
> men who will enjoy reading it.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

One afternoon, I was in the back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

by: Susan F. Roman,
Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul


At Sun Jan 22, 01:15:00 PM 2006, Blogger jgf said...

The IT one is great. My husband did programming and tech support and it is truly just like that!

At Mon Jan 23, 12:43:00 AM 2006, Blogger Patty said...

The snake and hamster is the oddest thing. Creepy sort of. Wonder if the poor hamster ever wonders if he's next....

At Mon Jan 23, 01:38:00 AM 2006, Blogger Chas said...

The article says it's fairly common, with captive animals. Maybe the snake was lonely, or just used to frozen food.

But they've only been together since November, ya have to wonder if the snake will one day decide he likes the hamster a LOT...

At Mon Jan 23, 01:45:00 AM 2006, Blogger Chas said...

Oh, and yes jgf, about the IT joke, I can believe it. I used to have a whole list of real IT complaints that were hilarious, but can't find it now. It's amazing and funny what some people think about how their computers actually work.


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