Chas' Compilation

A compilation of information and links regarding assorted subjects: politics, religion, science, computers, health, movies, music... essentially whatever I'm reading about, working on or experiencing in life.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sunday Funnies 02/05/06

This I think is the funniest of the cartoons the Muslims are rioting over. Michelle Malkin is hosting THE MUHAMMAD CARTOONS BLOGBURST. If you want to post one of the cartoons on your blog and join her list, then check it out.



A British lady, while visiting in Switzerland, was looking for a room and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend any. He looked with her to see several rooms and when everything was settled, the lady returned to England to make final preparation for the move. When she arrived home, the thought suddenly occured to her that she had seen no "water closet" around the place. So she immediately wrote to the schoolmaster, asking him if there was a WC around. The schoolmaster was a very poor master of English, so he asked the Parish Priest if he could help in the matter. Together they tried to discover the meanings of the letters WC and the only solution they could find for the letters was "Wayside Chapel" (a kind of small church). The schoolmaster then wrote the following note to the English lady seeking a WC with her room:

Dear Madam,

I take great comfort in informing you that a WC is situated nine miles from the house, in the center of a lovely grove of trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and it is open Sundays & Thursdays only, as there are a great many people expected during the summer months,I would suggest that you come early, although there is usually plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. You will, no doubt, be glad to learn that a good number of people bring their lunch and a make a day of it while others who can afford to go by car arrive just in time. I especially advise your ladyship to go on Thursdays, when there is an organ accompaniment. The accoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard by all.

It may interest you to know thay my daughter was married in the WC and it was there that she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were ten people to a seat usually occupied by one, and it was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces.

The newest attraction is a bell, donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all, since the people believe that it is a longfelt need. My wife is rather delicate, so she cannot go regularly. It is almost a year since she went last. Naturally it pains her very much not to be able to go more often. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you if you wish, where you may be seen by all.

Of course the children go at a separate time, so as not to disturb their elders.

Hoping to have been of service to you.

Yours truly,
The Schoolmaster
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"Dear Dad.."

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addresses "To Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes.

But it's not just the passion, Dad, she's pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very happy together.

Even though you don't really care for her, as she is much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has enough firewood stacked for the winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that's now become one of my dreams, too.

Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Barbara can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at a neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the lousy report card that's in my desk centre drawer.

I LOVE YOU!
Please call when it's safe to come home.
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Ted Kennedy's next book:


(thanks to FARK.com)
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There's been lots of pics this Sunday, so I'm gonna end this with a dash of inspiration:

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me.."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."
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1 Comments:

At Sun Feb 05, 02:56:00 PM 2006, Blogger jgf said...

Love your Sunday posts! The letter to dad was my favorite.

I will probably steal the poem, "God's Boxes," if you don't mind.

 

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