Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sunday Funnies 05/07/06

Funny Sayings - Part 3

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

- Author Unknown


This is so upsetting - I thought she was real! Learn the horrible truth at Beautiful Atrocities.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle with her.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, "Cuddle" discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story..

Don't mess with old farts... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Subject: All Too Familiar?

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat, and the credit card."

Now for the Ted Kennedy Children's book cover of the week:

Hat tip to the Kennedy forum thread at FARK.COM

"Congressman Patrick Kennedy crashed his car into a barricade on Capitol Hill at 3 o'clock in the morning yesterday. The head of his office said there was no alcohol involved. That's why it's a big story, a Kennedy, a car accident and no alcohol? That's never happened before." --Jay Leno


The Magic of Hope

It's magic and it's free
It's not in a prescription
It's not in an IV.

It punctuates our laughter,
It sparkles in our tears,
It simmers under sorrows,
And dissipates our fears.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's reaching past today,
It's dreaming of tomorrow,
It's trying a new way,

It's pushing past impossible
It's pounding on the door,
It's questioning the Answers,
It's always seeking more,

It's rumors of a breakthrough,
It's whispers of a cure,
A rollercoaster ride
Of remedies, unsure.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's candy for the soul,
It's perfume for the spirit,
To share it, makes you Whole

- Author unknown

The following is from an email that was forwarded to me:

The Day God spilled the paint...

The east side of the Carrizo plain, in the Temblor
Range, about 50 miles due west of Bakersfield ,
California . Photo taken by Barbara Mathews
May 14. 2005

Nothing man can do could ever equal the glory of
God's creations.


Have a good day, and God bless.


Dionne said...

Great Sunday Funny compilation once again. Thats funny that we both posted that Moussaoui cartoon on the same day. Great minds think alike :-).

Chas said...

I've got into the habit of checking the Cox & Forkum website daily, as they often have timely pics, and their commentary and links are pretty good too.